What MEN want Wednesday?

So for this weeks WWWW, I thought we’d change things up a little. Don’t worry ladies, I’m not betraying y’all or forgetting what Wednesdays are all about, this is just something that might benefit y’all in the long run. I got an email from a reader in Minnesota who suggested writing about what men want, what they look for, what attracts them to women, and what they want in relationships. Being an avid reader of all books involving relationships and studying marriage and family therapy in grad school like no other, I was so excited about this challenge. So here we are.

I thought I would sharpen my undergrad skills in psychology lab and conduct a little experiment. Just a few surveys, nothing too serious. I enlisted a few of my guy friends for help. First and foremost, I want to say guys are so funny when it comes to these questions. I would love to post snapshots of what their responses were when asked the questions over texts, but some aren’t PG-13 rated; figures. But some of the responses I got were: “hell, I don’t know”, “can you email me these questions”, “I’m driving right now..in the rain”, and lyrics to verse 1 of Petey Pablo’s “Freek a Leek”. Go figure. Men. But nonetheless, I got responses from all!

So I asked about 8 guy friends what it was they looked for in a girl, and what are the top 3 must-haves in relationships. Even though only 6 actually gave me appropriate/timely responses- I was glad they all had something to say.

Here are the results of my little study:

Must haves in Relationships:

All 6 guys mentioned trust when it comes to relationship musts. My friend Andrew said it best, “Don’t think I’m running around on you every time I leave the house. I am not. If I was, I wouldn’t be with you”. One of my favorites. I’ve always said if a guy wants to be with you, he will- why be in a relationship with someone when he can be getting what he wants elsewhere? News flash ladies, he made you his girlfriend because he wants to be with you. I get it, there’s always that exception with the cheaters- but why not trust from the beginning and give every different guy a chance, until he proves you wrong? In my opinion, if he’s cheated on you once and gotten away with it, then he will do it again. So once that happens, trust is broken and the relationship will more than likely not work.

Another common “must have” the guys listed was, open-mindness, doing new things together. Guys want women who are open to new things in relationships. This can be in a number of realms. Job opportunities, trips, adventures, new workout regime, sex. They want to know that you’ll be open to trying out new things and be on the same page in terms of spontaneity. So loosen up sometimes, just go with the flow- who cares if we break a nail doing it, there’s always going to be ways to fix it later.

Communication and Support are big in my book. Can you believe that guys want that too?! Who would’ve thought! JK guys. But 3/6 guys mentioned these factors for their must haves in relationships. Guys want the support from their other half. They like to be told their doing things right and need to hear that no matter what happens, you’ll be there for them. Communication is key- yes even in a guys world (weird, right?) jk again. But really they all do want that open line of communication and love to know that you will be there in the end. At the same time, not all want a clingy girlfriend. My friend Matt from Georgia says, “space is a good thing”, he thinks it’s okay to not always be talking or always be with each other. “Don’t be super needy”, which I can agree with, who wants someone clinging to you 24/7? I think there’s a happy medium. My friend Joey said “be independent, but at the same time make it known that you need me or want me”. Which kind of ties into what girls want (see last weeks WWWW post). Do women want the same thing men want in relationships?! This is getting weirddd!

Things Men look for in Women

Physically fit and Pretty was the top answer in this one. obviously But honestly, I can’t blame them- I feel like you have to be attracted to someone before you anything else happens. My friend Josh just wants (and is engaged to) a physically fit girl, whereas Andrew and another friend Jon were more specific about their likes in their answers. “Butt man, nice breasts are a plus but not required” lol I promise my guy friends aren’t douchey, they’re just guys who have always been completely open and honest with me, so why change now? Andrew also says nice teeth, smell (which is weird, but at least he’s honest!) Jon also mentioned eyes which I can relate to, eyes are so important in my book- the color doesn’t matter, their eyes just have to be pretty enough to look at for the rest of your life. So get in the gym, put make up on, do your hair, dress up, feel pretty, work of yourself- don’t do it for a guy, do it for yourself, which brings it to my next point- confidence.

We’ve all heard it before, “confidence is sexy” but there’s a fine line between being confident and being addicted to taking selfies, ladies. Guys don’t like jealous girls, some (or many) are overly flirtatious around other females, let them- remember who are they with? You, so blow it off, don’t be that jealous girl, Joey says “let confidence kill jealousy”, couldn’t agree more. BUT same goes for you guys, girls don’t like jealous guys- she’s with you for a reason, just remember that.

Personality/Sense of Humor
This was also a big one. Guys want to be able to laugh with you, they want to be able to be themselves around you without you thinking their immature. I mean don’t be so uptight, just laugh a little. Matt said “being pretty doesn’t last forever” which couldn’t be more true. I really will never understand the guys that will date a girl because of her looks who they can’t keep a conversation with or whose personality sucks. I mean c’mon girls, he can date you all he wants, to show you off of course, but you’ll never be marriage material if you don’t smile at people and can’t carry a conversation.

Ambition and Intelligence
Remember the days where “Clueless” taught every girl that being an airhead was cute? Well hi! Welcome to 2014- guys hate that. One of my biggest pet peeves are girls that act stupid around guys. Like why? Clueless was a movie y’all, movies aren’t real. If you put 100 guys in a room and ask them if they would prefer a dumb girl or one with an education who knows how to carry a conversation and is aware of who our president is, I’m pretty positive you will get 99 of them to say they want the smarty pants, and the single guy who picked the airhead is probably just as dumb as she is and doesn’t know what’s going on. Don’t mean to sound harsh, but I mean really ladies- do us all a favor and please don’t ACT dumb, it will get you nowhere. Andrew wants you to be smart in something, not necessarily what he likes (like politics) but just have something you are really good at or ambitious about and be able to talk about it for hours and hours. Joey wants a girl who makes him want to better himself, to him having that drive is crucial. Matt said it the best “going for the MRS. Degree is bull****, get your a** an education, this isn’t the 50’s”. Well then…. Y’all get the point?

And of course the obvious, that I really don’t want to elaborate on, sex. Guys want sex- we get it, okay. Or I can put it in the terms my friend Jon did, overall men want “a conservative in the streets, but a liberal in the sheets”well that was awkward! To each his own. Moving on-

So sometimes all it takes is a little primp here and there, and everything else we want as women. It always boils down to support, love, trust, and ambition. If you have it all- Mr. Right should be knocking on your door in no time. Also, don’t be on the lookout for the one, (I know it’s cliche, and everyone always says it) but I promise, he will come when the time is right. As for now, enjoy being single and go to happy hour with your best girl friends, who cares if it’s a weekday? We all need to remember to live a little.

Welllll,I feel like I just wrote a Cosmo article, but it felt so good to get these answers from friends who truly are all really great guys and good friends to me. && Some are single ladies! Thanks again to Josh, Andrew, Jon, Aldo, Matt, Joey, and of course Trey for contributing to this post. Hopefully I fulfilled your request Katie. Thanks again for reading everyone.


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